I was noticing myself being distracted the last couple of weeks. I was focusing on multiple things yet not making much progress with anything.
Has this happened to you? — I guess it must have.
A few weeks back, I had a conversation with a client on the same topic. I felt it would be of value to share it with you. Hope you will find it insightful :)
Here is the conversation with my client:
“I have not been able to focus on my work. I get very distracted. How do I stay motivated consistently?”
It is not about consistently staying motivated. It is about understanding your need for distraction.
“Could you please tell me more?”
Distraction is one of the ways we adapt to avoid discomfort. It is like how our body adjusts our posture to find comfort, our mind also does the same when it encounters discomfort.
“Hmm okay, got it.”
Is there some fear associated with your work?
“I am afraid I may not be as good as I thought I would be.”
Hmm okay, let’s get some clarity on it. Are you as good as you thought you would be? — What do you think?
“There are times when I do things well and feel confident. But I get very disappointed when things don’t go well and I start comparing myself with others.”
I get that, but that’s not the answer to my question. Let’s come back to the question — Are you as good as you thought you would be?
“I don’t know. It seems my confidence is dependent on external validation.”
How is the question making you feel?
“It is making me feel uncomfortable”
Yeah, and that’s why you are not giving a direct answer to the question. Your mind is finding it more comfortable to give an explanation than a direct answer.
“Hmm…”
Don’t worry about what the correct answer is. It doesn’t matter, all that matters is to find what you believe at this moment.
“Okay”
Do you believe you are as good as you thought you would be?
“No”
Hmm.. stay with that answer for a minute. Let it sink in.
(after a minute of silence) Are you clear that you are not as good as you thought you would be?
“Yeah, it is clear. I just didn’t want to accept it.”
What does not being as good as you thought, mean to you? What was the underlying fear?
“Fear of not being good enough?”
Good enough for what?
“Good enough to achieve my dreams.”
Is it true that you are not good enough to achieve your dreams?
“No, that’s not true. Hmm… I don’t know why it was so complicated in my mind.”
Because the more you run away from fear, the scarier it feels. If you gather the courage to meet it, you will realise it is not as scary as you imagined it to be.
“That’s true.”
Can you see how this fear was contributing to your distraction?
“Yeah, sort of. But more importantly, I feel more relaxed about this whole thing.”
That’s great. The next time you notice fear, Take a pause from what you are doing. Bring your attention to your breath, most probably you must be taking half breaths. Allow yourself to breathe freely and pay attention to the physical sensation that you are feeling.
Once you allow yourself to breathe and feel, the clearer you could think.
“Sure, I will try this.”
Great! Have a wonderful week.
“You too.”
Conclusion
If you notice yourself distracted, confused or procrastinating there is a high chance that you are using it to avoid some discomfort/fear.
Instead of trying hard to focus, get clarity, or meet your deadline take a pause to acknowledge your discomfort/fear. Attend it.
Once you connect to your comfort and calmness you will see things magically falling into place.
May you make friends with your fears and discomfort. Wishing you all the best :)
Reflection Questions
- When you find yourself distracted, do you try harder to focus or do you take a pause and look within to find the source of it?
- How has trying harder helped you and how has it failed you?
- Would you be open to taking a pause and finding the source of your discomfort?
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I’m a Life & Executive Coach. I coach mid-to-senior level executives to live an authentic & fulfilling life.
